Some Uncomfortable Truths
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That show you like? Unless it involves people being voted off every week, it won’t be on next season.
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We know it took you a half an hour to ‘mess up’ your hair this morning.
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Unless you already work for NASA, right now, today - you’re never going to be an Astronaut.
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No one reads your blog1.
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Putting in an energy saving bulb isn’t going to offset your pollution while you’re CEO of an oil company.
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There is no way all 415 of them are actually your friends.
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Sometimes in the night, when it does get a little lonely, I reach over and touch it. Then it doesn’t feel so lonely anymore2.
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If you don’t like your job, SUCK IT UP! A lot of people hate their jobs but do it anyway. Or alternatively, find a better job that makes you feel more fulfilled. Whatever suits your circumstances.
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Your Asian tattoo does not - I repeat DOES NOT - make you seem deep. However, your barbed wire tattoo does succeed in making you look like a dick.
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You probably aren’t as ugly as you think you are. Unless you’re very attractive and know it. In that case it’s likely that you’re a teensy bit less pretty than you like to think.
Special thanks to my co-author Carlynne Nunn. This sucked until she fixed it.