The Geekorium

When I started writing in my blog (infrequently as it is), I never expected anyone to read it outside my friends and family. And I’m talking across the span of my life - I expected family and friends to visit my site occasionally and get maybe a few visits a year. Primarily, NunnOne is so that I have a place on the web that embodies ‘me’ when someone Googles my name.

Of course, I kinda wished deep down that other people would find my little home and derive some small pleasure from reading about me and my thoughts, but I never seriously thought that it would happen. It still doesn’t really happen, but I do get a small number of visitors here that find me (mostly through Google) via a couple of topics that people seems to care about. One of them is Hercules Returns for which I still get many visitors (but few comments or repeat readers), and the other is my commentary on Fred Basset. These two topics are my most heavily found/read/commented-on posts but for different reasons.

Hercules Returns: PLEASE! was a post about a service I was trying to provide - getting Hercules Returns on DVD. Once that service had been given and visitors found their way to a copy, they no longer cared about my involvement or what else I have to offer here. That’s fine - I’m not complaining just illustrating.

My Fred Basset post was a rant on how pointless I find the comic Fred Basset. It’s entirely opinionated and completely rude, but it isn’t anything that my friends and I haven’t said to each other in private conversation - just that now it’s on the web. And I stick by the sentiment. On the other hand, I wasn’t writing the post entirely seriously and I don’t think that the author is a terrible person for writing a comic that they obviously enjoy writing (for some reason).

What I didn’t expect is how many people I would annoy by stating my opinion. I’ll re-iterate that I never expected people to read anything I write here, but thought it would be nice if people did. I just wish that they left opinions on posts that I actually bothered to think about before posting, and not some silly throw-away rant.

It makes me realise why so many people write ridiculous inflammatory stuff on their web sites - because not only do people read it, it makes them care enough to write! And when people write, the commenter feels like they are being heard. And it’s a nice feeling - being heard. It’s the typical negative reinforcement problem: being nice doesn’t get attention as quickly or in such volume as being naughty. Children learn it, trolls learn it, Dvorak learnt it.

I realised this myself after the most recent comment on my Fred Basset post:

also you dont need to make a friggin thesis on stupid comics. we all have our own opinions. if ur not happy with anyone elses then shut ur mouth and keep it to urself. so clearly ur thesis was ur own opinion. u were not necessarily ‘correct’
emma - dumbarse

I toyed with the idea of doing it again. Not specifically with Fred Basset, but anything else. Just saying shit for the sake of the traffic it makes, and the comments it could generate. But it’s not me. I usually only say what I think (maybe I go over the top sometimes but it’s normally a warped distortion of what I really think) and I want people to know me by what I say. I’d love to be able to share things with my readers that I’m passionate about and not have them wonder if I’m just taking the piss.

So rest assured gentle reader, that Fred Basset was a once off. I still think it stinks, but I don’t care enough about whether some random person who’s actually searching for Fred Basset to begin with disagrees with me to write about him or anything else I don’t enjoy again.

Yippee! My biggest Christmas present so far has been finally getting a copy of Hercules Returns on DVD. For those of you who don’t know why I’m so excited, check out my previous post on Hercules Returns

A classic Australian film featuring the talent of the wonderful Des Mangan and Sally Patience (and those other three who somehow get all the credit) has finally been made available legitimately on DVD.

If you checked out my previous post you’ll realise that I’ve had a wonderful run out of my quest to get Hercules Returns on DVD. I’ve contacted shadowy figures at the production company that owns the rights (thanks Tim), found the website of the original genius, lost it again (Oh, I haven’t mentioned that yet have I?), and had more comments and emails about this one topic than all the other posts I’ve made across two blogs and my accounts at Reddit, Newsvine and Digg combined. Frankly I’m thrilled that so many people share this passion with me and I’m delighted to tell you all that you can buy your copy online now at Atlantic DVD. I bought mine today (what a great Christmas present) and am proud to bring you a brief review of the DVD (not the movie… I mean that’s five stars right there… no hesitation).

Hercules Returns DVD review

First up, the packaging tells us that this isn’t a high-class, fancy new directors-cut special-edition release of the movie. The cover image (and critic’s quotes) are straight from the VHS copy - at least it looks identical to the one on IMDB. The only difference I can see is the new Australian rating info (which is one of the only things that makes me think the the DVD is actually legit).

Popping the DVD into my player I’m slightly surprised that someone has made a nice animated menu with two options: Play and Extras.

The main dvd menu

I’ll get to the extras later.

The movie is a straight transfer of the original by the looks. It doesn’t look particularly polished and it isn’t digitally re-mastered, but it’s clear and as crisp as any Aussie film from 1992 might look today.

The opening shot shows this best I think:

The opening shot

You probably can’t see it very well, but there’s a slight glitch at the bottom that looks a little ugly, but probably won’t show up on a TV screen (I’m viewing it on my computer - it might even be a software problem). The film looks a bit dated now, but I think everything made then looks that way.

Really the whole thing seems to be exactly as I last saw it on VHS, the only difference is that this is captured in time, and shouldn’t get degraded with re-watching (which it will get a lot of). The audio is nothing more either. But frankly, I didn’t have this DVD yesterday, and today I’m so happy I do that I don’t really care how it looks, as long as I can show my friends this classic film.

Finally a quick mention of the “extras”. The DVD contains actor bios for the three main leads of the “real-life” part of the movie: David Argue, Mary Coustas, and Bruce Spence.

Fancy menus

Probably the saddest part of the DVD transfer is this half-hearted attempt at extras. It’s all very well and good to put these poor excuses for extras on a DVD, but the least you could do is check it before you ship it. Notice something wrong here?

Something’s wrong here…

Poor Bruce Spence gets Mary Coustas’ bio write up. Someone forgot to change what they cut-and-pasted. We weren’t expecting much here, but this looks like someone was in a hurry to get this out of their inbox. The other two actors were written up OK, but frankly I’d rather just the film without the pretend extras. To anyone with any say in future re-releases, perhaps a commentary by, oh say, anyone involved might be nice, and a big mention of the ACTUAL stars of the film - the original Double Take.

All in all this is well worth the fifteen dollars you’ll pay for it, and I really can’t complain. Atlantic DVD had seventy in stock at the beginning of December, and twenty when I got there today (Christmas), so you might need to be quick (if they haven’t gone already). They did tell me though that this is their second - bigger - shipment, and I suspect that this might be a trial to see if it is popular as I couldn’t get it anywhere but Atlantic DVD.

I never did get another message from Tim (so I don’t know if he is responsible - if you are thanks!). Double Take’s website no longer exists, so I don’t know if they had a say. I’d like to think that I might be a little bit responsible (but I know of at least one other person who contacted Beyond International to enquire as I did).

And last, I’d like to thank the guy I only know as Fanus, who alerted me via my contact page to the fact that Atlantic DVD were selling Hercules Returns. You rock.

I’ll leave you with shot from my favourite scene (with my favourite quote).

Hehe

“I’ll fight you on one condition: that you lower your nipples.”

Go. Buy. Now.

P.S. I have no idea if this is region locked, as the DVD doesn’t say. I’d say there’s probably a neato Linux hacker way of telling (or a simple way) but I don’t know it.

I was reading about some stupid but fun movies on DVD Verdict, and thought I’d get their opinion on a movie released in 1993 that was one of the silliest, and most quotable movies of all time - Hercules Returns.

It turns out they haven’t reviewed it. Neither has Rotten Tomatoes. “What is wrong with the world”, think I.

Searching IMDB finds it, but sadness sets in as I realise that it can only be bought legally on VHS from the UK (and if memory serves the quality wasn’t great to begin with).

To my international reader - Hercules Returns was a movie made by a few of our comedians by re-dubbing an old 1960’s Hercules movie with new dialogue. It’s some of the funniest stuff to ever be made in Australia, and is one of those films that gets mentioned in passing in a social situation, and dominates the rest of the evening being quoted over and over until someone says they haven’t seen it, and you all troop to the nearest (or furthest if necessary) video shop to hire it immediately because they MUST SEE IT NOW.

“I’ll fight you on one condition… that you lower your nipples.”

Seriously, this is a must see for any Aussie. Sadly, it is becoming increasingly difficult to induct friends into the Hercules Returns club because it’s just so difficult to find now.

So I researched. You can buy it on eBay, but as there has never been a DVD release it makes it tough for me to believe that these ‘extremely rare’ copies are anything but bootleg forgeries. And it’s a real shame - a proper DVD transfer of this would be marvellously popular - judging by the gushing comments on IMDB, and the number of (ahem) copies available online.

Eventually I found the email address of the sales contact for the film, and sent them this email:

To whom it may concern,

I would simply like to enquire as to the possibilities of Hercules Returns, a wonderful Australian film, being released on DVD here in Australia. I have found it available on VHS in the UK, and on (presumably bootleg) DVD from eBay an other sellers, but would love to own a properly converted (and fully legal) copy of my own on DVD.

You may get requests like this all the time, and I may not even have the correct email address (as found on the Australian Film Commission website), but if you could let me know if this might be in the works (sometime in the next twenty years even?), or who I might have to bribe to make this happen I (and a thousand other fans) would be eternally grateful.

Thanks for your time in this matter, and I will attempt to contact you by phone or mail to confirm this address if I have not heard in a few weeks.

Sincerely,

---

Josh Nunn

As I said, I’ll contact them again in a few weeks, and post the progress here. When I have it in my hands I will force everyone I know to buy it and watch it. Once they’ve seen it they’ll thank me.

Update 2006-12-25 It’s here! Check out my latest post on this subject for an explanation and review!